Power of Positive Talk

I remember my dad teaching me the power of language at a very young age. Not only did my dad understand that specific words affect our mental pictures, but he understood words are a powerful programming factor in lifelong success.
One particularly interesting event occurred when I was eight. As a kid, I was always climbing trees, poles, and literally hanging around upside down from the rafters of our lake house. So, it came to no surprise for my dad to find me at the top of a 30-foot tree swinging back and forth. My little eight-year-old brain didn’t realize the tree could break or I could get hurt. I just thought it was fun to be up so high.
My older cousin, Tammy, was also in the same tree. She was hanging on the first big limb, about ten feet below me. Tammy’s mother also noticed us at the exact time my dad did. About that time a huge gust of wind came over the tree. I could hear the leaves start to rattle and the tree begin to sway. I remember my dad’s voice over the wind yell, ‘Bart, Hold on tightly.’ So I did. The next thing I know, I heard Tammy screaming at the top of her lungs, laying flat on the ground. She had fallen out of the tree.
I scampered down the tree to safety. My dad later told me why she fell and I did not. Apparently, when Tammy’s mother felt the gust of wind, she yelled out, ‘Tammy, don’t fall!’ And Tammy did… fall.
My dad then explained to me that the mind has a very difficult time processing a negative image. In fact, people who rely on internal pictures cannot see a negative at all. In order for Tammy to process the command of not falling, her nine-year-old brain had to first imagine falling, then try to tell the brain not to do what it just imagined. Whereas, my eight-year-old brain instantly had an internal image of me hanging on tightly.
This concept is especially useful when you are attempting to break a habit or set a goal. You can’t visualize not doing something. The only way to properly visualize not doing something is to actually find a word for what you want to do and visualize that. For example, when I was thirteen years old, I played for my junior high school football team. I tried so hard to be good, but I just couldn’t get it together at that age. I remember hearing the words run through my head as I was running out for a pass, ‘Don’t drop it!’ Naturally, I dropped the ball.
My coaches were not skilled enough to teach us proper ’self-talk.’ They just thought some kids could catch and others couldn’t. I’ll never make it pro, but I’m now a pretty good Sunday afternoon football player, because all my internal dialogue is positive and encourages me to win. I wish my dad had coached me playing football instead of just climbing trees. I might have had a longer football career.

Here is a very easy demonstration to teach your kids and your friends the power of a toxic vocabulary. Ask them to hold a pen or pencil. Hand it to them. Now, follow my instructions carefully. Say to them, ‘Okay, try to drop the pencil.’ Observe what they do.
Most people release their hands and watch the pencil hit the floor. You respond, ‘You weren’t paying attention. I said TRY to drop the pencil. Now please do it again.’ Most people then pick up the pencil and pretend to be in excruciating pain while their hand tries but fails to drop the pencil.
The point is made.
If you tell your brain you will ‘give it a try,’ you are actually telling your brain to fail. I have a ‘no try’ rule in my house and with everyone I interact with. Either people will do it or they won’t. Either they will be at the party or they won’t. I’m brutal when people attempt to lie to me by using the word try. Do they think I don’t know they are really telegraphing to the world they have no intention of doing it but they want me to give them brownie points for pretended effort? You will never hear the words ‘I’ll try’ come out of my mouth unless I’m teaching this concept in a seminar.
If you ‘try’ and do something, your unconscious mind has permission not to succeed. If I truly can’t make a decision I will tell the truth. ‘Sorry John. I’m not sure if I will be at your party or not. I’ve got an outstanding commitment. If that falls through, I will be here. Otherwise, I will not. Thanks for the invite.’
People respect honesty. So remove the word ‘try’ from your vocabulary.
My dad also told me that psychologists claim it takes seventeen positive statements to offset one negative statement. I have no idea if it is true, but the logic holds true. It might take up to seventeen compliments to offset the emotional damage of one harsh criticism.
These are concepts that are especially useful when raising children.

Ask yourself how many compliments you give yourself daily versus how many criticisms. Heck, I know you are talking to yourself all day long. We all have internal voices that give us direction.
So, are you giving yourself the 17:1 ratio or are you shortchanging yourself with toxic self-talk like, ‘ I’m fat. Nobody will like me. I’ll try this diet. I’m not good enough. I’m so stupid. I’m broke, etc. etc.’
If our parents can set a lifetime of programming with one wrong statement, imagine the kind of programming you are doing on a daily basis with your own internal dialogue. Here is a list of Toxic Vocabulary words.
Notice when you or other people use them.
Ø But: Negates any words that are stated before it.
Ø Try: Presupposes failure.
Ø If: Presupposes that you may not.
Ø Might: It does nothing definite. It leaves options for your listener.
Ø Would Have: Past tense that draws attention to things that didn’t actually happen.
Ø Should Have: Past tense that draws attention to things that didn’t actually happen (and implies guilt.)
Ø Could Have: Past tense that draws attention to things that didn’t actually happen but the person tries to take credit as if it did happen.
Ø Can’t/Don’t: These words force the listener to focus on exactly the opposite of what you want. This is a classic mistake that parents and coaches make without knowing the damage of this linguistic error.
Examples:
Toxic phrase: ‘Don’t drop the ball!’
Likely result: Drops the ball
Better language: ‘Catch the ball!’
Toxic phrase: ‘You shouldn’t watch so much television.’
Likely result: Watches more television.
Better language: ‘I read too much television makes people stupid. You might find yourself turning that TV off and picking up one of those books more often!’
Exercise: Take a moment to write down all the phrases you use on a daily basis or any Toxic self-talk that you have noticed yourself using. Write these phrases down so you will begin to catch yourself as they occur and change them.

Narayan Murthy’s Advice to maintain the Corporate Culture

It’s half past 8 in the office but the lights are still on….

PCs still running, coffee machines still buzzing…

And who’s at work? Most of them ??? Take a closer look…

All or most specimens are ??

Something male species of the human race…

Look closer……. again all or most of them are bachelors…

And why are they sitting late? Working hard? No way!!!

Any guesses???

Let’s ask one of them…

Here’s what he says… “What’s there 2 do after going home…Here we get
to surf, AC, phone, food, coffee that is why I am working

late…Importantly no bossssssss!!!!!!!!!!!”

This is the scene in most research centers and software companies and

other off-shore offices.

Bachelors “Time-passing” during late hours in the office just bcoz
they say they’ve nothing else to do……

Now what r the consequences…

“Working” (for the record only) late hours soon becomes part of the
institute or company culture.

With bosses more than eager to provide support to those “working”
late
in
the form of taxi vouchers, food vouchers and of course good feedback,
(oh,
he’s a hard worker… goes home only to change..!!).

They aren’t helping things too….

To hell with bosses who don’t understand the difference between
“sitting”
late and “working” late!!!

Very soon, the boss start expecting all employees to put in extra
working
hours.

So, My dear Bachelors let me tell you, life changes when u get married
and
start having a family… office is no longer a priority, family is…
and
That’s when the problem starts… b’coz u start having commitments at
home
too..

For your boss, the earlier “hardworking” guy suddenly seems tobecome a
“early leaver” even if u leave an hour after regular time… after
doing the same amount of work.

People leaving on time after doing their tasks for the day are labelled
as work-shirkers…

Girls who thankfully always (its changing nowadays… though) leave on

time are labelled as “not up to it”. All the while, the bachelors pat
their own backs and carry on “working” not realizing that they r
spoiling the work culture at their own place and never realize that
they would have to regret at one point of time.

So what’s the moral of the story??

* Very clear, LEAVE ON TIME!!!

* Never put in extra time ” unless really needed “

* Don’t stay back unnecessarily and spoil your company work culture
which will in turn cause inconvenience to you and your colleagues.

There are hundred other things to do in the evening..

Learn music…

Learn a foreign language…

Try a sport… TT, cricket………

Importantly,get a girl friend or boy friend, take him/her around town…

* And for heaven’s sake, net cafe rates have dropped to an all-time low
(plus, no fire-walls) and try cooking for a change.

Take a tip from the Smirnoff ad: *”Life’s calling, where are
you??”*

Please pass on this message to all those colleagues and please do it
before leaving time, don’t stay back till midnight to forward this!!!

IT’S A TYPICAL INDIAN MENTALITY THAT WORKING FOR LONG HOURS MEANS VERY

HARD WORKING & 100% COMMITMENT ETC.

PEOPLE WHO REGULARLY SIT LATE IN THE OFFICE DON’T KNOW TO MANAGE THEIR
TIME. SIMPLE !

Regards,

NARAYAN MURTHY.

PARENTS ARE PRECIOUS!!

This was narrated at a Seminar recently on Human Relations :

Venkatesh Balasubramaniam (who works for IIT) describes how his gesture of booking an air ticket for his father, his maiden
flight, brought forth a rush of emotions and made him (Venkatesh) realize that how much we all take for granted when it comes to our parents.

My parents left for our native place on Thursday and we went to the airport to see them off. In fact, my father had never traveled by air before, so I just took this opportunity to make him experience the same. In spite of being asked to book tickets by train, I got them tickets on Jet Airways.

The moment I handed over the tickets to him, he was surprised to see that I had booked them by air. The excitement was very apparent on his face, waiting for the time of travel. Just like a school boy, he was preparing himself on that day and we all went to the airport, right from using the trolley for his luggage, the baggage check-in and asking for a window seat and waiting restlessly for the security check-in to happen. He was thoroughly enjoying himself and I, too, was overcome with joy watching him experience all these things.

As they were about to go in for the security check-in, he walked up to me with tears in his eyes and thanked me. He became very emotional and it was not as if I had done something great but the fact that this meant a great deal to him. When he said thanks, I told him there was no need to thank me. But later, thinking about the entire incident, I looked back at my life.

As a child, how many dreams our parents have made come true. Without understanding the financial situation, we ask for cricket bats, dresses, toys, outings, etc. Irrespective of their affordability, they have catered to all our needs. Did we ever think about the sacrifices they had to make to accommodate many of our wishes? Did we ever say thanks for all that they have done for us?

Same way, today when it comes to our children, we always think that we should put them in a good school. Regardless of the amount of donation, we will ensure that we will have t give the child the best, theme parks, toys, etc. But we tend to forget that our parents have sacrificed a lot for our sake to see us happy, so it is our responsibility to ensure that their dreams are realized and what they failed to see when they were young. It is our responsibility to ensure that they experience all those and their life is complete.

Many times, when my parents had asked me some questions, I have actually answered back without patience. When my daughter asks me something, I have been very polite in answering. Now I realize how they would have felt at those moments. Let us realize that old age is a second childhood and just as we take care of our children, the same attention and same care needs to be given to our parents and elders. Quality time and politely answering them with out making them wait is important. Now I realize that I must look at their eyes and answer them pleasantly and pretend to be reading papers and answer in mono syllables. Rather than my dad saying thank you to me, I would want to say sorry for making him wait so long for this small dream. I do realize how much he has sacrificed for my sake and I will do my best to give the best possible attention to all their wishes.

Just because they are old does not mean that they will have to give up everything and keep sacrificing for their grandchildren also. They have wishes, too.

Take care of your parents. THEY ARE PRECIOUS.